My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Randomize
