It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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