It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
