In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
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