Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
