So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
