I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
