there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
