I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
