if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
