Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Randomize
