I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
