It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
