I cannot find my penis.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
