i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I have tasted many bathrooms
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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