I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
