I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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