Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Operation Purity has been aborted
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Randomize
