new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
