i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
