Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize