I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
