i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
