I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
