I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
i now understand why vodka
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
