I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
