My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
