Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize