all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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