We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
