He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
