So drunk its hurt
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I have surprise drugs for everyone
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
