He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
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