Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Randomize
