I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
so much tequila, so little girl.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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