It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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