I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
