I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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