there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
