Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
