making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
