Someone shit on the floor
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
