so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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