bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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