Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Randomize
