It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Randomize