the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I wish I only lived at night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
