She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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