I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
