Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
