): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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