Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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