I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
