something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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