Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
