ya dads aren't the best wingmen
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize