I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
