No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Randomize
