I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Let's get the cat blown out
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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