I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Randomize