we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
