Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
