The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
