Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
