But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
