Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
