The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
