I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
