Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
