Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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