Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
