Sry I called you an 8
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
