3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
