Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
