Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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