I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
