My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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