4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Randomize
