You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to calm my uterus...
At least life still wants to fuck me.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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