dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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