he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize