I heard we made out
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
