Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
