Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize