the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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