I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
