I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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