I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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