i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Randomize